I sent two store clerks into an alternate dimension, this is my story

“DAVID!”

I hear a voice — booming, but excited — filter down from above me in middle of the large outdoor equipment store.

My first thought: I died in REI, and I’m now ascending to heaven.

My second thought: Okay maybe I didn’t die and it’s just the sales clerk who finally found the jacket I was after.

See … it’s officially the rainy season here in Portland.

(Yes, yes, the one in Oregon. And yes, I’m vegan, I drink kombucha, I prefer single origin coffee, I bike … hmm what other tropes can I fit in here?)

Anyways.

Somehow in the eight or so years since I moved here, I’ve never purchased a rain jacket specifically for running.

Mostly because they are all so fluffing expensive.

But also because like 9 out of 10 of them turn my body into the equivalent of a humid Costa Rican jungle.

So that’s why I was at REI.

Now the reason the clerk was yelling for me from the second floor of the store was simple. She did, indeed, find the jacket I was looking for.

But … it took a while. And the whole thing was kind of weird.

When I first arrived, I asked her (and another clerk) if they had any of the jackets I wanted in stock.

“Looks like it!” the first clerk exclaimed.

She bounced around the corner and out of sight to go find it.

But 25 minutes later, she was still gone.

The second clerk phones her: “Alicia, are you there? Are you okay? Did you find the jacket? Do you know if my childhood dog Skippy is happy in the afterlife?”

No response.

“Guess I sent her into an alternate dimension, huh?” I say to the second clerk.

She chuckles uncomfortably. Then, she says “Uh … I’m gonna go see if she’s okay. It’s been awhile, and this is NOT normal.”

Then, she too bounces around the corner and out of sight.

Another 20 minutes go by and now I’m just pacing the bottom floor store, worried that I’ve sent two REI employees into an alternate dimension …

Until …

“DAVID!”

Annnnd we’re back to the opening of this email.

Now ... 

Why am I telling you all this stuff about a jacket?

Mostly because it was a weird scenario.

But also because I think there’s a copywriting lesson here.

It’s very easy to ghost your reader by trailing off into an alternate dimension in your copy.

A dimension devoid of any possibility for you to move your reader closer toward their goal … and a click, conversion, or sale.

So … how do you make sure you avoid that?

For me, it’s focusing on one central idea in the copy I write.

Not just a central benefit … but the overarching concept of the copy.

It's certainly nuanced, and more than I can explain in a single email. But this book from Michael Masterson and John Forde explains the idea in depth.

I highly recommend it:

stealthiscopy.com/great-leads

David Patrick