How I deal with rude clients and scheming coworkers

“A high-priority piece of copy that I shoved everything else aside for, and it's not ENOUGH?"

I grumbled the words out loud to nobody in particular.

They bounced across the white walls of my office, pinging off the various posters and artwork adorning the walls, then settled, silently, into the cracks of my hardwood floor.

See …

About a week ago, I submitted a few pieces of high-priority copy to one of my coworkers who works on another team.

This coworker and I have very different functions.

Different job functions that, of course, work ever-so-harmoniously together.

Where I am responsible for writing the words that go into our advertorials for this specific brand, my coworker’s responsibility is to adjust “blocks” of these words in different positions on the page.

Translation: We do different things. 

But the fact that we do different things obviously didn’t stop my initial outrage when my coworker responded back — not even THREE minutes after submission — to say, in as many words, “Hey thanks this is fine but I need an additional variant similar to [XYZ].”

Now.

Maybe I’m the only one who looks at a message like this and has an instant “angry” response.

But … I’d be willing to bet there’s more than a few copywriters on my list who have experienced something similar — whether it’s with a coworker, a client, a manager or anyone else.

So. What how did I deal with it, per the subject line?

Well …

I paused. Took a deep breath. And allowed some primal voice inside of me to rise up and calm my temper.

Here’s what it said: “They’re only doing what they think is right for their job and goals. It has nothing to do with you or your writing.”

True. For the most part.

(At least, the angry part.)

Suggestions are good, and I should welcome them. Vet them, yes. But welcome them all the same. 

The angry part, though, is not so good.

It reminds me of a line from Epictetus, an ancient stoic philosopher who had a lot to say about stuff like this.

One line he’s quoted with in his writings is this:

"It's not things that upset us, but our judgments about things."

Ooooph. That’s tender.

How often do I think a coworker is scheming … or a manager is mean … or a client is conniving — when in reality, it’s my own judgment about the situation that’s causing me pain?

My guess is more often than not.

The truth is, there aren't really any rude clients or scheming coworkers. There is simply my judgement around the situation that makes it seem so. 

I control how I respond. Everything else is out of my control. 

Maybe you agree, maybe you don’t. But I find that line (and a lot of Epictetus’s writings) to be particularly helpful for navigating the big feelings of being a copywriter.

If you want to learn and apply the same wisdom, might I suggest something to you? It’s a short book, published in 1994 by Sharon Lebell.

The book is called A Manual for Living, and it’s my favorite translation and summarization of Epictetus’s ideas.

Like I said, these ideas are actively helping me navigate many of the emotional struggles that come with being a creative-leaning person in a business-leaning world.

You can find the book on Amazon here.

— David Patrick

P.S. It goes without saying that everyone I work with is AWESOME (esp. if you're on this list!) and this email is not meant to call anyone out. It's really just an observation on my end about how I'm actively changing my own concept of feedback.